|
|
|
|
|
| How to Turn Sex into True Romance |
|
 |
Our American culture has a wonderful, wacky idea of romance: It's got "Heart-Throbs," "Cheatin' Hearts," "The War of the Roses," MatchMaking services and "compatibility profiles", "one-night-stands." And that just seems to be the good part! There must be something better!
We have a strange fixation with sex being the same as romance. When I introduce romance in a talk, I am suddenly confronted with two kinds of people: Those who are afraid I'll only talk about sex, and those who only want me to talk about sex! These people are trying to drive a car with the headlights shining directly into their eyes! Some are trying to avoid the light in their eyes, and some are mesmerized by the light in their eyes. But really, we want to turn the lights around and get on with driving the car! You might safer and get farther that way, don't you think?
A first course in Romance requires that we talk about the fundamentals of a successful and enduring romance.
- Passion of attraction. These are the headlights we mentioned above. This is also the gas in the tank and the steam in the pipes! Yup, it's sex, It's your bliss, It's what makes your eyes light up. You know what it is for you. You must also know what it is for your partner.
- Compatible Values. You and your partner need to share some values. If not at first, you must be highly motivated to adapt your values to hers. Do you want children? Is a nuclear family important? What about extended family? Religion? Political affiliation? Need for social life? Need for "down-time?" Find out the answers from your point of view first: before you get into a relationship, if not sooner. Then make sure you find out what your partner's values are. And don't just take their word for it: for example, If the topic is an extended family, it is just possible that your partner may have never really thought about having an extended family and may not really be able to answer, and may say "yes" or "no" out of just trying to be "nice". If this happens, just be patient let things unfold as they will. Very often, young couples may think they do not want children, but a couple of years later, that perspective may change completely and totally.
- Communication. Everything is OK to talk about. If there is positive and supportive energy from your partner, then it is completely all right to talk through any subject. If things get rocky in the communication department, it is a sure sign that there are some values that are not working together. Either yours or his. You can work on your own values - then it is easier to allow your partner to work on his. Don't expect him to change, especially if he has trouble in even understanding your values.
- Right Action. This is especially important. It builds trust. When there is a value mismatch, you must discern what is the right thing to do you must communicate it and then you must do it. From your partner's viewpoint an unkept promise is a broken communication and a false value. But each time you keep faithful to your promise and deliver, it acts as part of a bridge to your future.
- Vows and Goals. A vow is your statement of your intent to follow down the path to your goal. It gives you a framework for getting to the destination of your romance. You should think of it as a one-sided contract. It is your vow to yourself as well as a vow to your partner. And it should not be broken even if your partner may fail in living up to the vows he may make. Broken vows could be a sign of false expectations rather than incompatible values.
These five elements are continually intertwined in a living breathing romance. Good communication makes the sex better, Good sex makes it more important to get your mutual values straight. Getting your values aligned makes it easier to take the right action and keep your vows. Each part supports the others. Each part supports the romance. Romance is the dance of life! Enjoy the dance. Live.
OK, so how do you get your values aligned, your communication fluent, your actions right? These are all the emotional domain of the inner person. The sages throughout all the ages have come up with many techniques to help you. You can find these in self-help books, psychological professionals, religion and spiritual sources, hypnotherapy or NLP.
Use the gift of celarien in your life. Celarien essentially means "emotional ecology." It's when you learn to use your emotions give support to yourself and others --- It's good ecology. When you have celarien, your romance is a positive abundant and central part of your life. It is when you have that experience of emotional "a-ha!" It is when useless emotions and concepts fall away and are replaced by those that support you to the full magnificence and miracle that you really are. That's when you and your romance can really blossom.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sex
